If you’re getting married soon (congrats, by the way!), you might be wondering whether you should invite your co-workers to your wedding. Perhaps you want to invite some co-workers but not all, and you’re concerned about excluding someone. Things can get even trickier when you consider your hierarchical position within the company: Should you invite your boss? What do you do if you are the boss?
It’s important to keep in mind that you are not obligated to invite anyone you don’t want to. However, we understand that this can lead to some awkwardness within the workplace. To help you navigate these tough situations, we’ve consulted wedding and etiquette experts so you have one less thing to stress about before your big day.
So, do you have to invite your co-workers to your wedding?
According to Sarah Schreiber, the founder of Sarah Schreiber Consulting, a brand agency for luxury wedding professionals and a former editor at Brides and Martha Stewart Weddings, you do not have to invite your co-workers to your wedding.
“I’d argue that you aren’t obligated to invite anyone you’re on the fence about to your wedding—so if you don’t feel particularly enthusiastic about including your colleagues on your guest list (or need to cut a group of people to bring your estimates back to a more comfortable number), you certainly don’t need to,” says Schreiber.
She says this may be especially important if you prefer to keep your professional and personal lives separate.
“Unless you have deep-rooted, long-standing relationships with your co-workers outside of the office, they likely won’t even expect to receive an invite—which means no harm, no foul in leaving them off the list,” she says.
Do you need to invite your boss to your wedding?
If you’ve been sweating whether you should invite your boss to your wedding, take a deep breath: There’s no etiquette rule that says you have to.
“Unless you share a somewhat close relationship to your boss, meaning you are friendly and have a long-standing history with them, it’s not necessary to invite them,” says Diane Gottsman, a national etiquette expert at The Protocol School of Texas.
Mariah Grumet Humbert, the founder of Old Soul Etiquette, says that since everyone’s wedding has a different budget, style and size, each couple’s guest list will differ, and for that reason, you should feel no obligation to invite your boss, and they will likely understand if they don’t receive an invite.
What if you are the boss?
If you are the boss, it’s important to be extra cautious about who you invite, so you don’t get accused of favoritism. To avoid any accusations and awkwardness within your team, Schreiber suggests not inviting anyone you manage.
“If you’re the boss, it’s best to send invitations to colleagues whom you don’t manage (think lateral and above) whenever possible. This isn’t a one-size-fits-all piece of advice, but it’s important to intentionally consider the (power) dynamics of your team, especially if you are the one in charge of it,” she says.
If you do want to invite a subordinate, it’s best practice not to exclude anyone. While you don’t have to invite everyone below you on your organization’s hierarchical chart, you should invite all direct reports—not just one.
What to consider before adding co-workers to the invite list
Before inviting co-workers to your wedding, it’s important to think critically about your relationship with each one and how you’d feel on the day with them there.
“I believe it is a completely personal decision between you and your partner as to whether or not you want to invite co-workers,” says Humbert. “You will want to consider your relationship and decide if you have a close enough relationship with them beyond work that warrants them to enter a very personal day for you.”
To decide whether you should invite a certain co-worker to your wedding, Schreiber offers a couple questions to ask yourself that may clarify the situation.
Do I feel comfortable with being the version of myself that I want to be on my wedding day in front of the people I work with?
“If the answer is yes (and you have the room!), go ahead and pop their invitations in the mail,” says Schreiber, “but if the answer is no (perhaps you don’t want your direct reports to see your more emotional side or you feel a little funny about cutting loose on the dance floor in front of your boss), you have full permission to hold off.”
If you were to take another job or get laid off, would you still text, call, email or see this person regularly? Would you still have things to talk about should your work environments no longer be the same?
“If the answer is yes, I would invite them—if the answer is no, take a beat and think it through. The answer might not be don’t invite them, but at the end of the day, they might not be someone to prioritize,” she says.
How to navigate awkwardness after sending out the invites
Whether you decide to invite some of your co-workers or not, experts agree that the best way to make sure nobody feels left out is to not talk about your wedding at the office, especially around those who aren’t invited.
“If you plan on inviting just a few co-workers, keep the wedding talk to an absolute minimum at work to avoid ruffling any feathers (and ask those you have invited to do the same). What you do on your lunch break is your business—but it’s probably not good form to talk about the epic band you just booked at the top of that quarterly retro meeting, especially if not everyone in the room will be invited to enjoy it,” says Schreiber.
While it’s unlikely someone complains (at least to your face) about not getting an invite to your wedding, if you do receive a complaint or someone feels left out, it’s important to communicate clearly and briefly about why they didn’t get an invite.
“You do not need to overexplain why this person was not invited or shed light into your whole planning process,” says Humbert. “I would recommend simply acknowledging their disappointment, let them know that you had very difficult decisions to make based on your budget and venue capacity and you are grateful for their support and excitement around your wedding plans.”
Photo by PeopleImages.com – Yuri A/Shutterstock.
